Are drama and breakups a recurring theme in your relationships? Then you may need to develop a deeper understanding of yourself. Read more from this blog post.
We all come to relationships with different packages which can create sharpness, conflict and shut down with our partners.
Generally, unconsciously, misunderstandings come from our expectations of others, expectations that were already in place long before the relationship started. We didn’t intentionally create these expectations so where did they come from? And are those really behind your fights?
Fights often start from expectations
We live in a world of relationships, at home, at work, out shopping, we connect with others all the time. However since birth we have had expectations placed upon us by parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, society, culture, books, movies and so on.
And then we create our own version of these expectations and impose them on others. Unconsciously we build our relationship ideals based on our own unique blend of expectations, beliefs and rules, even based on the relationships we see around us, and we expect others to automatically know what we expect.
Imagining and holding on to ideals creates expectation of how ideal relationship should look and what an ideal partner should do, be, say, know, understand. We’ve all done it! You may have imagined a knight saving a princesses, of being totally adored, 100% of the time by a loved one.
These imaginings and your expectations drive patterns of behaviour which, no matter how much you think this time will be different, eventually repeat themselves in your relationship.
Become aware of your own expectations and reduce fighting in your relationship
In our relationship bubbles fights happen, often unexpectedly, quickly and without reason. In reality, the reason is very simple:
You had expectations that your partner couldn’t meet. You blame your partner for not living up to your expectations, and often your partner has no clue what you even expected from him or her.
It is difficult to live with expectations both for you and your partner. It creates denial, suppressing of emotions, emotional pain – all of which can lead to physical issues, illness or disease. Expectations can be a serious threat to your health.
For a happy relationship and your own good health it is important to recognise your own expectations and that real life isn’t as you imagined.
In the following video Brandon and her husband Kevin share their personal experience in complete exposure on who were their role models. They explore how those role models affected who they are now and their expectations in relationship.
You might recognize yourself. Take some time to enquire who have your role models been and what has that given you.