“All real relationships go through hard times.” But can you really survive the complicated times if the relationship is not strong enough? No, you can`t. Here´s 3 important aspects for healthy relationships to keep in mind.
1. Strive for authenticity
This is difficult and totally worth it! But what does it really mean? Being authentic means being totally open, truthful and genuine. It`s a place from which you can freely express yourself, your needs and your emotions.
In being authentic, you are willing to allow vulnerability and complete openness with the love of your life. Truthfully who else can you be totally and absolutely yourself with if not with the one you love?
Often we cover ourselves with masks and cloaks of protection. We avoid. We want to please people. We are taught to be politically correct and diplomatic. We use all these things to cover our authentic selves and avoid our fears.
Become aware of your owns masks, take it slowly, step-by-step, become more true to yourself each day and seek support from your loved one. You don’t need to protect yourself from your partner.
2. Handle your fights well – listen
Paradoxically, fighting and arguing with your partner is a good way to build a stronger relationship. You can often see the bond between people who have gone through tough times together.
Remember everyone comes into any relationship with past experience, stories and expectations. In another blog post we gave you a process to clear your limiting expectations.
Learn to listen. Listening is not being quiet and compiling counter arguments while your partner is speaking. In doing this you will miss important feelings that your partner is trying to convey to you.
At the same time, avoid suppressing your own emotions – let your partner know your deep feelings. Resist the temptation to bring up your previous fights instead focus on what’s here in this moment to resolve the current issues.
3. Learn to forgive
Having bubbling emotions inside makes forgiveness difficult. We are led to believe that forgiving someone is for their benefit not ours! When actually, by forgiving yourself you set yourself free.
You let go of the story and any consciousness attached to that story, and you are no longer driven by it. It simply melts away until you can’t even remember why you were hooked by that story in the first place.
The key is to have compassion for yourself and others, be humble, know nothing, and explore each issue with innocence as it arises. Then reflect, how did you grow? What were the needs of yourself and the other person that created the situation
By forgiving you remove the “I’m a victim” or “I need to get revenge for what he/she did” dynamic and avoid any devastating mind talk or downward spiral in your relationship.